


Watch Out, Helen. There's a New Beast in the PTA

by foldedchip



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: BadgerDad, Based on a Tumblr Post, Fluff, Gen, Grammarly is my beta reader, Helen is full of crap, Humor, I'm Sorry, It's actually pretty sweet, Karen's sister Helen, Mao Mao and Badgerclops are basically an old married couple at this point, Mao Mao has Histrionic Personality Disorder, Memes, Nonbinary Adorabat, One Shot, PTA Meetings, Warning: Contains High Levels of Sass, but - Freeform, dadmao, it's crack, it's not really related to the story, just a headcanon, lowkey gay, not gonna say crack, of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 11:44:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foldedchip/pseuds/foldedchip
Summary: dadmao attends a pta meeting, goes full beast modei couldn't resist.





	Watch Out, Helen. There's a New Beast in the PTA

“So… Mister? ...Sheriff?”

Adorabat’s teacher squinted at a small stack of papers, and then at Mao Mao.

Mao Mao’s dark demeanor contrasted the comically small chair he sat on and the teacher’s desk: both caked in stickers.

“Sheriff Mao Mao.”

The middle-aged bird managed a polite smile, “Sheriff Mao Mao, it’s lovely to meet you!” She offered a wing and Mao Mao shook it with his paw. “My name is Ms. Niao. Thank you so much for coming today.”

Mao Mao nodded.

Ms. Niao fumbled through her stack of papers and placed a pink one on her desk.

It read:

  
Student Behavioral Referral

Reason(s) for referral:  _ Punching student, kicking student _

  
Mao Mao’s eyes went from slits to saucers in an instant.

Ms. Niao intertwined her feathers in a manner similar to that of folded hands.

Mao Mao sputtered, “What happened? D-did you talk to her about this? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

Ms. Niao held her wings up, “Please calm down, sir. We did everything we could at the moment.”

Sharp feline teeth twinkled when Mao Mao bit his lip.

Ms. Niao continued, “Yes, we took the injured student to the school nurse, we sent Adorabat to Mx. Haipa’s office. They're the principal.”

Mao Mao nodded nervously, “Did you ask her what happened? Is she okay?”

Ms. Niao shook her head, “No, we called you immediately. Adorabat’s still in Mx. Haipa’s office; she and the principal are waiting for us in there.”

Mao Mao sprang up from his heat as if it had gone on fire, “Oh, thank you-”

Ms. Niao gestured for him to sit back down, “I appreciate your eagerness, sheriff, but I need to talk to you first.”

Mao Mao was already halfway out the door, so he shut it and returned to the tiny chair.

Ms. Niao’s eyes crinkled at the corners.

Mao Mao’s stomach dropped.

“Needless to say, we’ve been concerned.”

“Who’s ‘we’?”

“Mx. Haipa, the guidance counselor, and I.” Ms. Niao adjusted a framed class photo on her desk, “Sheriff, what exactly is your relation to Adorabat?”

Mao Mao’s eyes narrowed, “Legal guardian, of course. Adoptive father.”

Ms. Naio pressed her beak together, “Nothing else? You’re not teaching her to fight?”

Mao Mao had prepared a response, but then “to fight” instead of “how to fight” caught his attention.

His stare shifted from concerned parent to offended parent, and those are two very different kinds of parents.

* * *

Dim candlelight cloaked Mao Mao’s training room in a sleepy glow. The dojo overlooked Pure Heart valley, nestled into the side of a cliff. The deep blue sky grew alit with stars as Mao Mao watched on the soft straw mat.

Badgerclops entered and sat next to Mao Mao.

“Lovely view.”

“Isn’t it?” Mao Mao sighed sadly.

“Are you worried about Adorabat?” Badgerclops asked.

Mao Mao took his eyes off of the peaceful landscape and directed his gaze at Badgerclops.

“Of course, all the time. She got into a fight with a student. I can’t help but wonder if that was because of  _ my _ influence.”

Badgerclops gave a sincere nod, “Probably. You know what she told me when she got home?”

Mao Mao drew his eyebrow whiskers together, “What?”

Badgerclops frowned, “She said that the student had been making fun of another student for being a different kind of animal than their parents.”

The words sunk in quickly. Mao Mao’s pupils grew paper-thin.

“She… She didn’t tell a teacher? She didn’t tell  _ us _ ? I woulda beat the stuffing out of that kid!”

With a shrug, Badgerclops continued, “She said that they didn’t do anything about it. That she was going to tell us, but then other kids came over and joined in. She couldn’t take it anymore and straight-up punched the idiot in the face.”

Mao Mao chuckled, green eyes flickering in the candlelight.

“Just like her dad.”

* * *

Soccer parent chatter rang in the drab LGI room of Pure Heart Elementary. Mao Mao and Badgerclops stood out with their respective samurai and cyborg facades, so they figured that they’d stay in the back by the bake sale table.

The PTA president stepped up the front of the room, “Hello, everyone! Thank you all for coming, um, I know that you’re all very busy, and-”

“EY, JUST GET ON WITH IT!”

The pink mouse quivered, dropped a few notecards, and muttered as she gathered them up, “Um, we were going to talk about the behavioral problems that have arisen. If I can just find…”

Parents chattered, and Mao Mao sank in his seat.

The mouse cleared her throat, “Now, we haven’t had much of an issue with bad behavior in the past, but it is becoming evident that we may have been slacking in the discipline department lately. We were wondering what you, the parents, thought about our plans to fix these issues.”

The mouse pulled up a presentation with her phone, when-

“THE ONLY PROBLEMS THAT I CAN SEE ARE MY SON BEING BEATEN UP BY A STUDENT!”

The room erupted in confusion and concern. Mao Mao stiffened.

The mouse held out her hands, “Please, Helen, we’re trying to address the problem as a whol-”

Everyone’s head turned to who had originally spoken. It was a hen, and she meant business.

Mao Mao grumbled.  _ It had only happened once, and Adorabat said that it was because that kid called someone a name! _

Badgerclops sighed when Mao Mao stood up and pointed a finger at her, “YOUR  _ SON _ HAD IT COMING! HE’D BEEN PICKING ON THAT BOY FOR WEEKS,” he gestured to the teachers at the front of the room, “AND NONE OF Y’ALL DID A SINGLE THING!”

Parents stirred now. Badgerclops hid his face in his paws.

Helen spread her wings in aggression, “MY SON WOULD DO NO SUCH THING!”

Mao Mao bared his teeth and let out a low growl, “I’m afraid a vole being raised by two roosters isn’t violating any laws around here, unlike you, assaulting us with that haircut.”

Helen’s eyes bugged out, “YOU THINK YOU CAN RAISE A CHILD?! YOU’RE NO BAT! NEITHER OF YOU ARE! IT’S A SIN AGAINST NATURE! SHE’LL GROW UP AGGRESSIVE!”

Mao Mao let out a piercing scowl and flipped Helen’s pan of Betty Crocker brownies off of the bake sale table.

They fell to the ground in a clatter. Cake peeked out through cling wrap on one corner of the pan, threatening to spill onto the linoleum floor.

Silence enveloped the stuffy LGI room like a thick blanket.

Mao Mao panted, eyes boring into Helen’s.

“Helen, you’re full of crap,” he hissed, whiskers splayed violently.

He kicked the pan into the crowd, sending brownie bits flying at the parents.

“And so is your brat.”

Helen shivered in her defensive stance, a small piece of brownie stuck to her brown sunglasses.

Mao Mao slinked around the PTA meeting attendees and opened the door for Badgerclops.

He gave Helen one last dirty look.

“We’re homeschooling. This is a pathetic,  _ petty _ excuse for a school. And don’t you  _ ever _ think about letting your mosquito of a son near my  _ daughter  _ again if you know what’s good for you. You know, like your disgusting quinoa from the Halloween party.”

**Author's Note:**

> i had the mental image of mao mao flipping helen's 9x12 pan of betty crocker brownies at the pta meeting, and it was too funny not to write
> 
> also, i asked a friend of mine what kind of animal karen would be, and he said "mosquito", and while that was hilarious, i went with a chicken because i don't think a sweetie-pie would be a mosquito...
> 
> i love getting notifications for kudos! and comments!! even if it's short!!


End file.
